Todd Stadtman lyrics, rants and screeds

A Popular Girl

Well I set my watch by the clock downtown
I thought I couldn't miss with all the suits around
It turns out I was misinformed again
Still it's not the end of the world
To be such a popular girl

So I say, hey
Give me a break why don't you
'Cause you could give anyone the blues
And I say, hey
Give me a fair shake won't you
'Cause you could have anyone you choose

Well, he made such a show with his tie undone
That it's no mystery why you hate everyone
It's no small mercy either, I confess
Still it shouldn't cost me the world
To be with such a popular girl

Anna Li

I won't fail for failure
is not part of the design
There are several stages to this plan of mine
Cos when she says she never
Sees us joined together
I just don't know whether
I can bear this life

I know that perfection
is born out of circumstance
She can be a toothless hag or murderess
For its her flaws in action
That drive me to distraction
And desire
If that should ever play a part

Anna Li just takes me from the cold
To rake me cross the coals
And makes me glad to burn so bright

If there's traffic outside I'll pretend I'm in my car
When she calls me on the telephone
Cos my heart is as spacious
As hers is glacial
And one day she'll
Say Oh, God, I just give in

Anna Li just take me cross your knee
And break me for all these
Mistakes which now just seem so right

She says "Todd, I'll be so glad when you are gone
There is right and there is wrong
And then there's wrong"

© 1999 Bitter Twins Music (BMI)

As If

You may be the proof that God had no plan
Stroking your smooth face with your withered hand
Embracing the world with your big, bloodless heart
Until something stirs in your still tender parts

And love made you life-like, yet again
Increased your half-life by half again
And now it's almost as if nothing ever changes

Never have it said you ran out of gas
All of your passions show just like gears under glass
Glass bottom views through your glass colored eyes
Daily new bleeders so eager to try

Back To Yourself

Girl I wish you saw how I adore you
How I'd love to make the sun shine for you
I'm not looking for a swan to set free
I'd just like to think that if you let me

I could take away the pain
Take away the shame
Give you all the love that you require
It might take a little time
But you know with time
Love can take the hurt and give you
Back to yourself once again

Sometimes it's hard to tell if a hand held out
Means to help you up or to hold you down
Hands can hold you back or hold open doors
But I think that if you held mine in yours

Take a little time
And you'll know that I'm
Taking you whatever comes our way
Cos we'd never see the stars
Shining in the dark
If our lives were just one
Long and sunny day

The Clock In My Heart

She drove me crazy with her sanity
And her patience wore me down
She was mine to lose
She was mine to lose
She was mine to lose
She was mine to lose

And the clock in my heart
Said time to go
If that was smart
Just time will show

And now I'm sleeping with another girl
But that hurt inside remains
I thought I had to choose
I thought I had to choose
I thought I had to choose
I thought I had to choose

And the clock in my heart
Said it was late
I thought that meant
I couldn't wait

And time was all I ever wanted
(You can call if you feel haunted)

Come Undone

Do you ever see a common thread
Between what you've left and have begun
It might seem you see some kind of threat
In what you might get
If you'd just

Come undone
And let your life be livable
Come undone
It's not so unforgivable
To unveil and be visible

I don't believe the future's set in slate
But imagine that it could be fun
If I acted as if it was fate
Would I have to wait
Until you

Come undone
And let yourself be lovable
Come undone
Stop being so insufferable
Cos you've suffered enough to know

That I don't have to be the one
To make you see
I just want you to come undone
And do for me

I saw progress 'til you compared hope
To painting smiley faces on the sun
So I'll let out a little more rope
I'll just have to cope
Until you

Come undone
And let your life be livable
Come undone
It's not so unforgivable
To unveil and be visible

Everybody Look Into The Sun

It wasn't my intention
To add to this unease
But I think now's the time for me to make my peace
I know you were frightened
By the words I read
Hiding behind closed doors
When you should have been living instead
Now...

Everybody look into the sun
This is your invitation to be beautiful
This is your permission to be anything that you desire
Your chance to be a part of everything
That's made of fire

This broken chain of events
Played out in placeless scenes
Was the wall I built between you and your dreams
But today the news is good and
Has a familiar face
It's time for you to rewind all those old tapes
And just hit "erase"
Now...

My failure was not seeing
The fraud I've always been
I hope it gives you comfort
That you'll never hear these words again
Now...

Everything There Is To Have

You asked how I could tell
I lead you to that place we fondly knew as hell
Might as well draw chalk outlines around ourselves
'Cause this is where we fell

Everything there is to have is had
And you can't feel anything but glad
And satisfied this time
Well, it might not have been everything that you wanted
But it was everything

Shall we spend the rest of our lives
Trying to put this marble back beneath the shell?
We could both be pop stars in another life
Hmm, I guess it's just as wellÖ

Everything there is to have is had
And I can't feel anything but bad
For running out so soon
Well, it might not have been everything that you wanted
But it was everything

(repeat 1st verse)

Everything there is to have is had
And you can't feel anything but sad
Yet satisfied somehow
Well, it might not have been everything that you wanted
But it was everything

Expert

It's on that fine line between love and hate
I now believe all lovers stand
I thought that loneliness would set you straight
Until you told me all about your man

How could you need him and still feel free
It made me wonder if I had
Caused or avoided all this misery
But you know I couldn't get my head 'round that

It's obvious I'm not an expert on
Such subtle differences, but I'm
Learning more about them since you've gone this time

Darling, I thought it would make you laugh to see me cry
I really didn't mean to bring you down
I thought it would make you smile to hear me say goodbye
Who knew you wouldn't see the joke in that

It's obvious I'm not an expert on
My own emotions, but still I'm
Learning more about them since you've gone this time

Halfway Down

I don't want you to fall
That's not the way that I am at all
But, if it's me down here on the ground
It's going to be a difficult call

By the time you see me
You'll be halfway down
I'll be that tiny speck
On that wide expanse of open ground
And I'll be wondering while you're on your way down
Are you coming back to me?

I don't want you to call
'Cause I've got nothing left to say at all
You can throw every suit in the yellow pages at me
I will never back off

'Cause it's the way that you fall
That puts me in your thrall
You stumble with natural grace
I know I shouldn't laugh
But you make me hysterical

(chorus)

And if I had luck to spare
I would give it to you
But I've barely enough for myself
You try to be hard-boiled
But you could be invincible

I don't want you to fall
I don't want you to fall
(etc.)

I Am Mr. Green

Kick off your shoes
And have yourself a cigarette
Relax cos this
Is something that we'll soon forget
There's no need to put your head
In your hands
Why spoil the night that we have planned

Two people talk
And often very little is said
Two people might walk hand in hand
You say it's nothing
And that's just how I feel
Days like these are merely part of the deal

I bet you thought that I would be Johnny blue
While as always you'd be
Miss Congeniality
But oh no that's not me
I am Mr. Green
I am Mr. Green
I am Mr. Green

I Don't Know Why She's Here

I don't know why she's here
Does she need to sleep it off
Before she disappears
And leaves me lying here?
I don't know why she's here
Is it simple curiosity
Or maybe fear
That keeps her close to me?

If you want to know the truth I'll tell you

I don't care
As long as when I come back she's still there
I Don't know why she's here
But I know that when she's gone I'll want her near
I don't know why she's here

Did I say something right?
Was it something that I said
That brought her here tonight
And was it just a lie?

If you want to know the truth I'll tell you

I don't care
As long as when I come back she's still there
I Don't know why she's here
But I know that when she's gone I'll want her near
I don't know why she's here

I know it should be clear
But when the signs appear
These doubts still interfere

'Cause there's something in the way she shines
So perfectly
That I can't believe that she came here
For only me
Now listen...

I Lose the Tiny Man

Now, I don't have a problem with responsibility
Still I don't know why she gave this tiny man to me
Not only is he small, but he never makes a sound
It's impossible to tell whenever that tiny man's around

Though I'm doing the best that I can
I lose that tiny man
Between the cushions of my love seat
And in the folds of my bed sheets
In deep ravines and busy streets
I lose the tiny man

Now, I had some bright ideas,
though some were very dumb
He made a lovely deep sea diver inside my aquarium
I almost lost him then,
and she threatened to take him back
I'm still asking myself why I didn't take her up on that

Despite my best laid plans
I lose that tiny man
In the shrubs and greenery
Inside heavy machinery
He's never where he seems to be
I lose the tiny man

Well, it's nice to be trusted
If you can't be adored
But, looking back, it's nice to be ignored
Is this hell?
Or just another test so she can tell?
Or does she love me so, she wants to share
In my worst nightmare?
Am I proud? - well, barely just
Still, let's keep this homunculus
Between the two of us

Between the cushions of my love seat
And in the folds of my bed sheets
In deep ravines and busy streets
I lose the tiny man
In the shrubs and greenery
Inside heavy machinery
He's never where he seems to be
I lose the tiny man

I Wish You Were My Skin

I wish you were my skin
There's be no place where I stop and you begin
We say we won't rush in
Then here you are and there I go again

And I don't care what's right
I know I said I would this time
But I don't care what's right
It just seems like a waste this time

It wasn't long ago
I would have seen the point in going slow
But I've seen so much gone
That I had thought would be here all along

And now that we're apart again
I wish you were my skin

I'm Good

When I told you that I was lonely
It didn't mean what you thought
I wanted your understanding only
But that's not what I got

So don't drag this on
Asking me what got you gone
And don't get me wrong
I don't want to hurt you baby
You came on strong
But lately I've been thinking maybe
It's just like you told me
Only it's not you it's me

Cos I'm good
And it's just so sad
You could have had me
And that's just too bad for you
Cos I'm good
And if truth be told
You couldn't hold me
Cos I'm just too good for you

What made you think that you could win me
Acting like you don't care
When they handed out attitude well
You got more than your share

Jezebel Jones

Jezebel Jones you're no damn good
You Terrorize the neighborhood
That's why I love you
And if you have your way you'll be
A black mark on my history
That's why I love you

Jezebel Jones
I'll lay the blame on you
Jezebel Jones
Because if not you who

Jezebel Jones you've spoiled the fun
For all my lovers yet to come
That's why I love you
And you would laugh if you could see
The mess that I'll turn out to be
That's why I love you

And if you didn't exist
I would have to invent you
Because if not you who
Jezebel Jones

Jezebel Jones now that I'm grown
Your name's become my heart's touchstone
That's why I love you
And if that's less a gift than curse
To not have had you would be worse
That's why I love you

The Life She Dreams

When the lights go down in this town
She will leave behind the day
She slips away
And her world is closed to me now
Though there was a time when I
Was by her side

Now I'm stuck here with things exactly as they seem
When all that matters is the life she dreams

I was hot and cold to her then
When she needed me I fled
I didn’t get
That the sun that shone on me then
When reflected in her eyes
Was twice as bright

And everything is dimmer now than it had been
Because I'm standing here outside the life she dreams

And you can't hold her now
Because your head's too thin
Cos she is golden now
And your words ring like pebbles bounced on tin

When the lights go down in this town
I might stop but I won't stay
She's slipped away

I thought I'd seen how much better my life could be
When all that I was seeing was the life she dreams

Love Gets In The Way

A cliche, it's true
It's beneath me, yes, but what can I do
With a friend like you
Breathing life into this tired old voodoo

People go up and down, but
People go on with their lives
While every day you die

And you know it happens
It happens every day
You know that love gets in the way

Common sense tells you
Not to cling to what you can't hold on to
Even so, you do
Letting go of everything you hold true

People go in and out, but
People get by in good time
While every day you cry

Love lost can inspire, it's true
But that's not the case with you
There's no poetry or fugue
Just the stillness of your room

You could be the proof
That even the saddest hearts can pull through
I'll put my faith in you
Let it depend on what ever you do

You can go up and down, but
It's time to get up and say goodbye
It's time to say goodbye

Memory Fails Me

Lately I'm remembering
That I'm forgetting to forget you
As days go by
In my wallet, all these scribbled lists
Of things that might upset you
It comes to mind

There must be a reason why I almost lost my mind
So confused and feeling like a bastard all the time

But memory fails me, and I come back again
My memory fails me, and I come
Like I care, walking on air
Without a leg to stand on

Remember when from dawn to stardust
We shared everything that scarred us
And in time
I felt like an altar boy
And you felt too good not to be lost
I wonder why

There must be a reason why I've always felt this way
But sometimes its a wonder I remember my own name

'Cause my memory fails me, and I come back again
My memory fails me, and I come
Like I care, walking on air
Without a leg to stand on

Amnesia is easier than living with the truth
You don't have to forgive to forget
I should know, 'cause I'm the living proof

My memory fails me
My memory fails me, fails me, fails me
And I repeat myself...

Mouth In My Eye

The nerve on that girl, she tried to hide
She knew what I was on inside
As high as a little cosmonaut
Blue with a head all full of sky

She can pour sugar on my words
But it won't sweeten what she's heard
Once she has looked into my deep
She only listens in my sleep

Why make a mystery of sex
Pretend what's simple is complex
When it's not subtle or implied
Shouted like a mouth in my eye

Words are the walls that break us down
Your head is the factory in this town
Why would I want to check and see
When I could just touch it and be

I believe it's always best
To act before you think
So let's not drink
Let's jump into the well and sink

My Brilliant Angel

My brilliant angel
Why should we change this arrangement?
I'll treasure you from afar
(Even when you're right beside me)

My brilliant angel
Don't think that I don't adore you
When I can't look you in the eye

It's just that when you are near me
I feel the world pushing through me
And I feel prone to all it's comic punishments
Does this bashfulness keep me humble
When every word takes a cartoon tumble
Or does it waste this love of mine
As days go by?

My brilliant angel
I swore that I'd never name you
Now that I have
I've changed my mind

It's not that you disappoint me
But now, with the world rushing through me
I must stay true to everything it holds
You can be feckless or petty
And you will not disappear me
Now it's the heart of you
That feeds this love of mine

Purgatory In Motion

Can I see that again
Is that an un-embittered smile?
Too bad the replay's erased
Every time you touch the dial
You better tell me who you are again
Keep all your meanings clenched, or
Any moment now
I might feel a sense of adventure

So come and dance with me
Our arms and legs akimbo
The tango's furious, but
Wait 'til you see my limbo

You want to be someone so bad
That you can't be anyone
You want to save the world so bad
That you can't help anyone
Much less yourself
You're purgatory in motion now
Hurry up and wait forever

That thing we never were
I miss it though it never took
It sounded like a fairy tale
And lived out like a textbook
With strict elves and tough-love angels
You better keep the pace abrupt, or
You might lose me to
The one about the train conductor

You will yourself to be
And while the world is sleeping
You will away those years
And with them everything worth keeping

(chorus)

If you can't wait and see
At least wait and wonder

That thing we never were
I miss it though it never took

Sever

These things that I do to steel me
When you're gone, I must reveal
That even when you're here
They hold some lingering appeal
So pure and real

Perhaps by this my heart's call
Will rise above the caterwaul
These voices saying that this is more
Than I deserve to feel
But I know how I feel

We'll always be together
Obsession? Well, I never
Cut so deep, but just can't sever you

So spare me the nonsense about
The light in and the devil out
Forgive me, it's just a personal bugaboo of mine
It's fine on your own time

But these days come with more small defeats
Than the years things that enthrall me
You wouldn't even know that I had
Treasures left to steal
Until the skin is pealed

I'll always be untethered
Possession, well forget it
I cut so deep
But just can't sever you

Shatterproof

She's accident prone
She hurts herself while she's watching TV
Now that old tube has blown
You'd think that she might have a thought for me...

She may not be a saint, but she's my angel
And there's no need to ask me

'Cause I can't tell you how I feel
It makes me shake, it makes me kneel
That feeling nothing else is real
That lets me know that I'm not
Shatterproof

She's got mystery marks
I think she must be an abductee
But when she looks at me
I forget all my reasons to stay free

She may not be my friend, but she's no stranger
And there's no need to ask me

She'll Pull Me Through

I'm gonna head straight for the bottom this time
Why waste my time in spiraling
While the costs keep slowly piling up
Light of foot this lover of mine
And she just keeps dancing to
Stay under the hole that I'm falling through

And on those days you find your heart's not there
You should have someone with love to spare
Like I do
She'll pull me through
What else would a lover do?

I'm gonna head straight for the bottom this time
Let's say I'm building my immunity
To the force of wine and gravity
And she could be my double in time
But, oh, what would she rather be
Diving through these hoops, down cavities, she

And on those days you find you just don't care
You should have someone with heart to spare
Like I do
She'll pull me through
What else would a lover do?

She'll pull me through her loom
And I'll be on the mend
She'll pull me through her womb
And I'll be born again
To leave her torn again

And on those days you find you just don't care
You should have someone with heart to spare
Like I do
She'll pull me through
What else would a lover do?
Than to wash her hands of you

Should I Tell Her You've Gone?

Yes, you're still a good man
In the right circumstance
I'm sure you'd stay
But that's just not the plan
Today is different than yesterday

When she comes looking for you
Should I tell her that you've gone
What should I tell her if she should ask
If you will be long

There's time for promises
Until necessity says it's time to go
And something silent then
Will find its voice again
To tell you so

Yes, you're still a good man
And if you had the chance,
I'm sure you'd say
Some sweet and soothing words
Like those you said to her to make her stay

Slow Fade

You never raised your voice in anger
Never went astray
Never came home drunk
And never showed up late

So why would she want to be rid
Of all these things you never did?
Maybe it's the difference that she feels
Between loyalty and standing still

Because even in this world of crooks and super villains
You can't be the good guy unless you are willing
To say what you believe, and act accordingly
Or they will always leave

It's a slow fade
When you say you'll stay
You're asking her to spend her life
Watching you go away

Now you find your only fault was
In the choice you made
Another selfish lover
Taking what you gave

But someday, when the thrill is gone
Of feeling innocent and wronged
You'll see how you filled her head
With all the things you left unsaid

Because even in this world of sharks and barracudas
To be a jellyfish is no improvement
You have got to be you in totality
Or they will always leave

Something Less Than Tenderness

I care for you more than you can tell
You can't give me love so give me hell
I'm not cowed by the crowd
I'm not pure I'm not proud
Something less than tenderness
Will do for me

Sometimes you greet strangers on the street
And skip me without missing a beat
I'd settle for a smile
But it that's not your style
Something less than tenderness
Will do for me

You could call me any name you could choose
If you ran out that would not do
I'd make up some new ones for you

Even now I've said what's on my mind
You won't stoop to giving me a sign
I don't need a green light
You can shut me down all night
Something less than tenderness
Will do for me

String of Pearls

What's inside you could be
Like treasure under the sea
Give yourself to the world
Lace of bone or string of pearls

Give yourself to the world
Lace of bone string of pearls
When the lace of bone unfurls
You'll find a string of pearls

Followed visions and found
Bodies buried underground
Forget all that you've heard
Lace of bone or string of pearls

Forget all that you've heard
Lace of bone string of pearls
Now every shell tapered or curled
Will hold a string of pearls

Summer's Gone

Summer's Gone, Summer's Gone
Said it's all said and done

And here I've finally got it all worked out
And she couldn't wait to go
What she did to bring this change in me
Insured that she would never know

Summer's Gone, Summer's Gone
Said it's all said and done

And there's a fire in the hills tonight
In the canyon they're all hosing their roofs down
She wanted to become a rumor
That never gets repeated

Summer's Gone, Summer's Gone
Said it's all said and done

And here I've finally got it all worked out
And she couldn't wait to go
What she did to bring this change in me
Insured that she would never know

Summer's Gone, Summer's Gone
She said to tell you
It was fun

Talking Through My Mouth

Why do I talk to strangers
About how the color changes
The leaves and the trees and the mountain ranges
When the sun goes down and turns the pages

It's just not natural
Can't remember the last time that you called
That doesn't sound like me at all
But it has a ring that I recall

Thought I was over you
And I could speak my mind
But sometimes when I try
I find

It's only you
Talking through my mouth
Saying things I'd never say
Oh how can I get you out
Of my head
Words you said always get in my way

Why do I sing along
To the radio when I hear that song
Used to turn it down when you put it on
Why should I feel different now you're gone

Is it made or magical
Some kind of curse or chemical
I don't mean to sound cynical
But forgetting you can't be that difficult

Think that I'm talking
And then suddenly I find
I'm saying someone else's lines

Oh I'm on my last leg
And I'm sitting on top of a powder keg
I'll cry and scream but never beg
Cos that's just what you want I bet

So now I'm blaming you
For every stupid thing I say or do
Since you're hanging 'round then I think you
Might as well be useful don't you too

And the worst part is that
I can't say for you
The things you never said to me

This Town Is Closed

When he goes walking down his small town's streets
The doughy couples church bound and complete
With babies dressed up just like little dolls
Just start him wishing for the wrecking ball

When he gets to the limit
He dreams he sees a signpost there...

This town is closed for repair
Our new citizens will all have charm to spare
Your new friends will all be millionaires
So won't you please bear with us?

Until then faith will offer some respite
With every thought of how the righteous might
One day rise up through the air
And leave their running cars and cash cards there

He hopes along with daughters
Who's morals just couldn't compare...

This town is closed for repair
Soon to return, but with flair
No whiff of defeat in the air

Please keep in mind how, bloodlessly,
These visions pulled you through

His teachers say his work shows all the signs
Of a dark and deeply troubled mind
And here the best that kind of thing gets you
Is a stay at military school

But on the walls of Soho,
He'd be a force extraordinaire

This town is closed for repair
Razed from the tracks to the square
To put something worthwhile there

You Say That Love Is Everything

You know there's nothing that I wouldn't do
I'd tear out my heart and give it to you
You know it's not that you've found someone new
I guess it's the way your hands shake
When you say that love is everything
That you ever wanted
And I wouldn't understand
So is that why you're trembling
and your face looks haunted
When I mention that man
I guess, if you need it, to believe it
is a thing to prize
But love would leave something in your eyes

I've done some thinking now that we are through
I had to accept that I couldn't change you
But now you have, and it scares me to muse
Over what it took to tame you
But you just say love is everything
That you ever wanted
It's opened up your eyes
But now every pretty thing
Has his shadow on it
And you've shrunk down in size
Now, I'm not saying that we're playing
In a perfect world
But love would leave something for the girl

Why am I wondering if this is all my fault
Shouldn't I be insulted that this is what you call love?

You Strike Me Down

(Well, I always knew that you were low
But I thought you'd reached your limit
When you torched that straw man, did you know
It had my heart in it?)

This pretty face I see
I know what he does for me
What did he do to you?
To make you act so cruel?

Things we simple folks do
Are never good enough for you
What are you, too cool?
To love him like I do?

And with each cynical word
You strike me down
Even when your target's blurred
You strike me down

And by his pensive pose
I see all the pain he knows
And I suffer, too
Is this news to you?

Repeating every lie you've heard
You strike me down
It's pettier than the sword
You strike me down

Is it appropriate to tear my dreams down?
Until I have nothing left in this depressing town?

And if my tiny life were through
It would mean nothing to you
Not like it would do
If I could shine, too

So without a second thought
You strike me down
Counting all the souls you bought
You strike me down

You Will Obey

I'll conjure stars before you
Like a turbaned swami might do
I will set them spinning 'round to
Dizzy up and hypnotize you

You will obey
Every word I say
You won't break free from my paralyzing gaze
What would I gain
If I begged you to stay
When you could be my puppet on this length of chain

You won't just freeze where you stood
Like some sideshow fakir's shill would
No, you'll wrap your arms around me
Tell me that I'm all that you see

You will obey
Serve me night and day
There'll be no use in fighting my ensnaring way
What would it pay
To let love make me a slave
When you could me my prisoner who will always stay

You will obey
Every word I say
You won't break free from my paralyzing gaze
What would I gain
If I begged you to stay
When you could be my puppet on this length of chain
Won't you stay
Won't you stay

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